I wish I have a closer relationship with my father. When I am with him, there is little to talk about. Just awkward silence. Maybe I had a girlfriend too early. So I wasn’t home most of the time. Perhaps I left home too early to study abroad. Now we live in different cities. We only see each other twice or thrice a year.
My father is a good man. He worked hard and provided for the family. I have no lack in my life.
He is a man of few words. I never know what he thinks about me. I have no idea what he feels about me. I am sure he loves me but… I just can’t feel his love. I am not an orphan, but I feel emotionally detached from him. I never know if my father loves me as a son. I tried to recall an occasion when my father played with me or when he hugged me and told me how much he loves me. None came to my mind.
Do you have similar story?
My relationship with my father is best summarised in something I wrote not too long ago.
What do you think about me?
Am I precious in your eyes?
Am I a special child?
Do I have a part in your heart?
Have you ever sung over me like I sing over my baby?
Remember – I am your firstborn
Do you have any feelings towards me?
Do you really love me?
A thought came
My dad himself may not be well-fathered
He left his dad for studies when he was just a teen.
Then I heard a voice from above
Go hug your father
I have never done this before
What would my dad think of me?
Will I be accepted?
I did it anyway
And I have not stopped hugging my dad since
Have you ever hugged your dad?
You need to hold him tight
‘cos few men know how to embrace their child…
Hug your dad when you meet him. Embrace your loved ones. Make this Chinese New year a meaningful one.
p/s: Above article was published by Centre For Fathering several years ago